“For as little as you eat, it’s amazing you can eat all of that”…

And it’s amazing that after being at a healthy weight and working out at least 5 days per week for over a year, this still sends me back to my FAT place…even on a day when I spent 2 1/2 hours at the gym lifting weight.

The comment was about a salad and was not meant to hurt or offend. When I make salad for dinner, I use a dinner plate and fill it with lots of yummy things: mixed baby greens, onions, avocado, tomatoes, cucumber, garbanzos, and chicken breast and then I top it with low fat/low calorie dressing. It is quite a treat. And it does look like a lot of food yet I eat every bit of it!

It doesn’t seem to matter how healthy I am, how strong I feel, or that I wear size six jeans. A comment like this brings back all of the old thoughts, feelings, and doubts. This is a really dark place that I work very hard to avoid and I am stunned that I can take myself back there so quickly and easily.

Does it ever go away? Do the feelings of shame and insecurity fade? Will there be a time when I can reply with something like “damn straight I am!”? I sure hope so and it better happen soon!

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