We leave tomorrow and the surgery is in two days. Tomorrow at this time, we should be more than halfway to the coast. I would like to say that I slept really well again last night. However, not so much. I slept enough, just restless and BIZARRE dreams.
I have mentioned in previous posts just how grateful I am to family, friends, and even acquaintances. The well-wishes, the addition to prayer lists, the hugs, cards, gifts…are humbling. I was thinking about this on the way home from work on Friday and felt like Sally Field when she accepted the Academy Award several years ago saying something like, “You like me, you really like me.” For someone who has not always felt very likable (though I would guess that many fall into this trap), this feels both wonderful and confusing. I do try to treat others as I want to be treated and do believe that there can be karmic response to behavior (no matter how you choose to describe it); however, I always feel like there is more I could have done. Both wonderful and unsettling at the same time.
I am also thinking about my daughter today. Thirty-one years ago today she was born. I had no idea how to be a mom when she arrived. I had read books and watched others and still had no idea what to do. All I really knew was that I loved her from the moment we first touched. She was born with Pyloric Stenosis; though we did not know it at the time. This meant that over her first 7 weeks, she vomited frequently and lost a pound. At 7 weeks, she had surgery to repair the problem (a tightening of the muscle at the base of the stomach) and thrived after that. Because her dad was in the Navy, he was frequently gone. This left the girls alone much of the time and we had lots of adventures and many laughs. To this day, when we are together, we can find humor in things others don’t get, we understand one another’s verbal shorthand, and we can read the other’s moods with little effort. If I had a wish for today it would be that she allows herself to think about some of our adventures and that this brings her a smile. (hints: trips to the San Diego Zoo, Space Museum, exotic fruit of the week, fro yo for dinner, the burping song, long drives to the ice rink…)
My thoughts are also on my boyfriend today. He has many things on his mind including a big presentation this evening. I offer support, encouragement, and love; but I don’t think he has any idea how much I appreciate all that he does. I worry about how he will get through the next few days and am so grateful that my dad and step-mom are coming out. They will provide distraction and company. I know he will want his alone time as well; however, I will not worry as much knowing others will be there with him.
And now I as I prepare for my last day of work pre-surgery (and yes, my mind did go to – last day of work without a scar on my chest), I have to keep reminding myself to breathe. Just breathe.