Three days from now, I should be in surgery. While I have the occasional catastrophic thought, for the most part I still feel very confident that all will be fine. My two biggest worries right now are getting to the pre-op appt on time (avoiding getting stuck in California traffic jams) and pain. We are leaving at 3:30am on Tuesday for a 10:00am appt and must travel what is normally about 5 1/2 hours (i.e. when traveling without traffic). My boyfriend and I may discuss this further – because I am not certain an hour leeway is sufficient.

Pain. I have gotten used to injury pain, workout pain, and the pain that comes with my Ulcerative Colitis. However, I have no idea what the pain from this surgery will be like and that scares me a little. I do know that the hospital will manage my pain and that if it is more than I can handle, they are likely to give me something to help.

Hmmm. It appears that these are things that feel out of my control. I have used my organizational skills to control most other things (e.g. getting everything lined up for my absence from work, cleaning, starting to pack my bag days ago, etc). But I cannot control or even guess the magnitude of traffic and our travel time. And while I have had surgeries, injuries, illnesses…I have no sense of what the pain will be like and will not know until I am in the midst of the experience.

So what can I do about these things? Again, we can further discuss our travel plans. As for the pain…distract myself, know that I will be well cared for, and let it go.

So what is on my other agenda today (i.e. schedule). I have a lot of last minute things to do. I will finish packing my bag, buy a few groceries, do my nails, pay bills, and finish up any last minute tasks. Actually, I will probably make a list of things to do first. I will be away from the house most of the day tomorrow and will not have time to do much when I get home – other than get ready for bed.

Some random things I have noticed. My mood is a bit more somber than usual. I just feel more serious. I have less to say in conversation. I have caught myself gently rubbing the area where my incision will be – this has happened several times recently. Our Maltese, Bella, has looked a bit uncertain for about a week now. She is my dog and senses that something is different about me. While my sleep (aided by diphenhydramine) is improved, my appetite is disrupted.  I craved corn on the cob and chicken last night. We made it and I only wanted about half of my meal. Later, I did have a bowl of frozen fake ice cream made from whey protein.  Of course, I will continue to eat meals because my body needs nutrition. And as I have said before, I will continue to remind myself to breathe.