Three days from now, I should be in surgery. While I have the occasional catastrophic thought, for the most part I still feel very confident that all will be fine. My two biggest worries right now are getting to the pre-op appt on time (avoiding getting stuck in California traffic jams) and pain. We are leaving at 3:30am on Tuesday for a 10:00am appt and must travel what is normally about 5 1/2 hours (i.e. when traveling without traffic). My boyfriend and I may discuss this further – because I am not certain an hour leeway is sufficient.
Pain. I have gotten used to injury pain, workout pain, and the pain that comes with my Ulcerative Colitis. However, I have no idea what the pain from this surgery will be like and that scares me a little. I do know that the hospital will manage my pain and that if it is more than I can handle, they are likely to give me something to help.
Hmmm. It appears that these are things that feel out of my control. I have used my organizational skills to control most other things (e.g. getting everything lined up for my absence from work, cleaning, starting to pack my bag days ago, etc). But I cannot control or even guess the magnitude of traffic and our travel time. And while I have had surgeries, injuries, illnesses…I have no sense of what the pain will be like and will not know until I am in the midst of the experience.
So what can I do about these things? Again, we can further discuss our travel plans. As for the pain…distract myself, know that I will be well cared for, and let it go.
So what is on my other agenda today (i.e. schedule). I have a lot of last minute things to do. I will finish packing my bag, buy a few groceries, do my nails, pay bills, and finish up any last minute tasks. Actually, I will probably make a list of things to do first. I will be away from the house most of the day tomorrow and will not have time to do much when I get home – other than get ready for bed.
Some random things I have noticed. My mood is a bit more somber than usual. I just feel more serious. I have less to say in conversation. I have caught myself gently rubbing the area where my incision will be – this has happened several times recently. Our Maltese, Bella, has looked a bit uncertain for about a week now. She is my dog and senses that something is different about me. While my sleep (aided by diphenhydramine) is improved, my appetite is disrupted. I craved corn on the cob and chicken last night. We made it and I only wanted about half of my meal. Later, I did have a bowl of frozen fake ice cream made from whey protein. Of course, I will continue to eat meals because my body needs nutrition. And as I have said before, I will continue to remind myself to breathe.
6 thoughts on “Three days: What’s on my agenda?”
I totally agree; when we pay attention to our breath, things don’t seem as stressful anymore:)
…and too often I do find myself breathing too shallowly or even holding my breath. Funny, I teach my patients these skills all of the time and then forget to implement them in my own life.
It’s time to let people take care of you. Stop thinking. Stop managing. Kit will get you there on time. And once there, they will put your butt in a wheel chair and you will do what they tell you. You’ll fall asleep and wake up all patched up. Pain will be reasonable – just enough to remind you to rest – because you’re kind of stubborn so God does need to remind you of things sometimes, my friend.
Laughing! You know me to well! Thank you.
Boyfriend laughed when I read this to him.
He was probably thinking the same thing. 🙂