(Warning: this blog may be too “out there” for some – just my musings)

One year ago today, I was finishing up in surgery. It feels as though it was yesterday (without the pain). I still remember so much so clearly. I am so grateful that the doctors found (by accident) the aneurysm and that my gifted surgeon repaired it. I carry a card in my wallet from a discussion I had a few months after my surgery…notes taken to remember what we talked about.

What if:

I was meant to marry my ex-husband, but not originally meant to meet my current partner of 13 years?

my original plan was to die at 52?

through a series of changes, twists and turns, and unexpected decisions, I invalidated this plan?

What would that mean about my future now that I am still here? I believe it may mean that it is a blank page upon which I am free to write anything I choose. I believe it is a gift. I believe it gives me the opportunity to grow and change and take my life to new places. It gives me the freedom to say Yes! or No. It allows me to explore deeper recesses and aspects of myself and my life. And I believe it changes the way I see life.

As I celebrate the first year of the rest of my life, I will be sure to take time to laugh with my friends, smother our dogs in kisses, and linger in my partner’s arms. I will breathe and stretch and nourish both my body and my soul. As I go through my day, I will try to sense just a little bit more. See the colors. Hear the sounds. Smell the coming autumn in the air. And I will wonder…what if?